Jerk and Dorkster: The Pants Legacy
by Finding-Emo
Summary: A JAK ONE PARODY! Done coz nobody else has.Don't like don't read, dewds
1. Chapter 1

**JAK ONE PARODY!!!!!**

**One**

**SAMOS:** (is drunk) Many aeons ago, a great precursor lost his pants, but nobody remembers what happened next. I have asked other pairs of pants, but they wouldn't talk to me! They thought I was weird! cries I also asked the rocks, but the rocks do not recall. Even the rocks do not recall…

**SAMOS:** But then, it was found out! Not by careful research, but by two little stoners…

**DAXTER:** Hey! I'm not a stoner!

**SAMOS:** What-EVUH!

**DIRECTOR GUY:** Hey! Cut it out, you two!

**DAXTER AND SAMOS:** Okay.

**SAMOS:** (to Daxter) I still hate you

**DAXTER:** (cries)

_On Misty Island_

**DAXTER:** Uh, Jak? Old Greenstuff told us not to come here.

**GOL: …**The sages possess mind-altering substances… you know what to do

**MAIA: **Gol! You forgot to mention the precursor artefacts!

**GOL: **Oh. Sorry, dear. Anyway. Deal harshly with anyone who strays out of the village!

**MAIA:** You realize you stole my line, brother dear.

**GOL:** Sorry. All this dark eco has gone to my head

**MAIA:** It's okay. I myself have that problem.

_Laughing maniacally, they both disappear in a puff of dark eco. Jak and Daxter look at one another. A random lurker looks in their general direction._

**DAXTER:** Why did we come here? This place gives me the CREEPS!

**JAK:** (in sign language, since he can't talk yet) Because you wanted to, retard!

**DAXTER:** (trips over) Whaa- oof! Aah, stupid precursor junk…

**DAXTER: (**throws thing to Jak) The sage yaps on and on about the precursors. does crap impersonation of Samos Where did they go? Why did they build this crap? (thing suddenly starts glowing red in Jak's hands) Now, I like power cells and precursor orbs as much as the next guy, but if you ask me, they must have been real losers. (looks at Jak and the thing) Whoah! How did you do that?

**JAK:** (in sign language) I pressed the on button, dummy!

**RAMDOM LURKER:** (drops down behind them)

**DAXTER: (**hides behind Jak) I think we're in TROUBLE!

**JAK: **(ISL) sarcastically No, really?

**JAK:** throws thing into Lurker

_The thing explodes, with enough force to push Jak into Daxter, who flies into the pool of dark eco. Jak looks into it, hoping that Daxter survived, when Daxter flies out in the form of a small orange rat._

**DAXTER: **Man that stung. looks at Jak Wha-at? (looks at his hand)

**DAXTER: (**is too hyped up on some pretty suspicious substances to be shocked)Hey, sweet! I'm a little orange rat!

**JAK:** (ISL) Whoah! Dax just turned into a lil' orange rat! What am I smoking? Oh yeah! Pot!


	2. Geyser Rock and Mr Munchy

**Thank you, my reviewers! **

**Paradise Eco – Aw, you know me. I cannae resist the stoopidness!**

**daxterluvo2250 – It's all good, flamers help me roast me marshmallows ;) **

**Dark Eco Angel – Thanks for sharing the review love, I appreciate it 3.**

**You guys are on my List Of Fawesome Dudes 3**

**MizzChocolate – If it doesn't deserve a review, why review it? (to other reviewers) What a weird one!**

**Apologies if I missed out a reviewer or two, its coz I'm only allowed on the Net 2 nights every week. If I missed you, I'll probably thank you next chapter. **

**Please note, peeps, that whenever Jak talks, it's in sign language.**

**Two**

On the boat back to Sandover 

**DAXTER:** (is sober) Urghhh…(looks at his hand) AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samos's hut 

_Jak and Daxter creep into Samos's hut. Samos, having seriously boozed up, is sleeping on the roof. Daxter knocks over a vase, which smashes, thus waking Samos._

**SAMOS:** (flies down from ceiling) What in buggeration are you four doing here?

**DAXTER:** Dub – eep – whucheh – there's only two of us!

**JAK:** Yeah, are you drunk?

**SAMOS:** Don't tell me. You went to Misty Island and cloned yourselves, didn't you? And you didn't even invite me along! (cries)

**KEIRA:** Daddy, there isn't a cloner on Misty Island.

**SAMOS:** Then why are there two Jaks and two small orange rats?

**KEIRA:** (suspiciously) Daddy, are you drunk?

**SAMOS:** Maybe

**KEIRA:** You ARE drunk!!

**SAMOS:** (hangs head) Sorry, dear. Hey, where did that rat come from?

**DAXTER: **It's me, Daxter. Remember?

**SAMOS:** You DID go to Misty Island! And Daxter, you finally took a much-needed shower, but in a bathtub filled with dark eco!

**DAXTER:** Hang on, doesn't Keira show up later?

**SAMOS:** Stop changing the subject! Anyway, the only dude who can change you back is Gol Acheron, the Dark Sage. But he lives a long way to the north, a long, long, long, long, long, long, lo-

**JAK AND KEIRA: **Get on with it!

**SAMOS:** Sorry. Anyway, the only way to his pub is through the teleporter gates, but none of the other sages have seen fit to turn theirs on in some time. You could go through the Fire Canyon, but that would burn you, and pain hurts!

**JAK: **No, really, Sherlock?

**KEIRA: **But you could fly over it if you had a zoomer equipped with a heat shield, which I have had for ages! I've been waiting for a chance to show it off for ages!

**DAXTER: **Honey, no-one likes a showoff

**KEIRA: **But I thought you'd be happy to be able to use it! (cries)

**SAMOS:** Now look at what you've done, Daxter! You made Keira cry!

**JAK:** What a mean one!

**KEIRA:** (Stops crying) You just need 25 power cells to power the heat shield and you should be able to get over it.

**TORN:** (drunk and lost) That shouldn't be too hard. (looks at Samos) Oh my God! What happened to you, Shadow?

**KEIRA:** Hey! You're not supposed to be in Sandover!

**DAXTER:** Yeah, you're supposed to be in _Jak 2_

**TORN:** Well how do I get to _Jak 2_?

**SAMOS:** Go through the Rift Ring, then left at the first lightning bolt you see, and you end up at Underground HQ

**TORN:** Thanks, dude! You guys are all right. (hugs Jak)

**JAK:** Aah! Get away from me, you perv! (shoves Torn through the Rift Ring)

**SAMOS:** Go to Geyser Rock!

**DAXTER:** Why?

**SAMOS:** Because I said so! Now get through there before I hug you both!

**JAK AND DAXTER:** (jump through Warp Gate)

_On Geyser Rock_

**JAK AND DAXTER:** (Drink, smoke something that sure ain't tobacco, et cetera)

_Back in Samos's Hut_

**KEIRA: **What took you so long? Daddy got alcohol poisoning waiting for you!

**DAXTER:** Uhh… nothing

**JAK:** Drinking beer!

**SAMOS: **(walks back into his hut) All right, what did I miss while I was coma'd?

**DAXTER: **We're back! Did you miss us?

**SAMOS: **No.

**SAMOS:** All right you two, go get 25 power cells. Oh, and while you're at it, feed Mr. Munchy.

**DAXTER:** (raises one eyebrow) Who's Mr. Munchy?

**KEIRA:** My pet Lurker shark

**JAK:** (does a fexcellent impersation of The Scream) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

**LOL that was way too much fun. That's all folks!**

**FACT OF THE DAY: Dying is bad for your health.**


	3. Spacefiller

**Thankies to you, mah dear reviewers. You're all on the List. You know who you are.**

**Glad to hear you like the randomness C: And without further ado, we shall start on chapter three of… JERK AND DORKSTER: THE PANTS LEGACY! This chapter is basically a space-filler with random cutscenes from Jak One; don't moan if it sucks.**

_In the Sculptor's hut_

**SCULPTOR:** Lil' furry dood! (hugs Daxter) Ah love you! Ah'm never gonna let you go to Misty Island again!

**DAXTER:** Aaaaargh! I'm not your muse! (to Jak) I think he's on drugs!

**JAK:** Look who's talking…

**SCULPTOR:** You mean mah muse's still on Misty Island? NOOOO! Can yew get her back for me?

**DAXTER:** Uh, yeah, we'd love to, but we're kinda busy

**JAK: **Yeah, he's got a date with Auntie Boozer

**SCULPTOR:** Ah'll give yew a power cell

**JAK: **Done and done! (Runs out of the hut before Dax can argue)

_In the Forbidden Jungle_

**DAXTER:** Whassamatter, fish face?

**FISHERMAN:** (sighs) I can't catch 200 pounds of fish

**JAK:** That's coz you're useless! I bet I could

**FISHFACE:** Yeah, whatever, shrimpy. (notices his new label) Hey! Crazy author lady! Change my name!

**FATTICA:** No! Change it back!

**FISHFACE:** I meant back to Fisherman!

**FISHERMAN:** That's better. Anyways, you catch 200 pounds of fish while I booze it up. Bet you can't do it.

**JAK:** Oh, it's so on, bitch!

**FISHERMAN:** Wow, you actually did it. Here's a power cell.

**DAXTER:** (high as a kite) Aww, thanks, man! I looove you. (hugs Fishface)

**JAK:** All right, we're outta here, gay boy

_Back in the Sculptor's hut_

**MUSE:** (Jumps into the Sculptor's arms)

**SCULPTOR:** Mah musey! Aww, you guys are the best

**JAK AND DAXTER:** We know!

**DAXTER:** Jinx!

**JAK:** (Errr… just insane. Yeah.) What? That pervert's _here_? Where? (looks around, scared)

**SCULPTOR:** Shut up, dude. Look, a power cell! (pulls said power cell out of his boxers)

**DAXTER:** EEEEWW!! I ain't touching that! I know where it's been!

**JAK:** Speak fo' yourself! (grabs power cell)

_Somewhere where there used to be hot girls (but not anymore, Daxter hit on them too much)_

**KEIRA (THROUGH COMMUNICATOR):** You got all the power cells I need! Well done! Come to Fire Canyon, and I'll give you the zoomer.

**JAK:** (Does pelvic thrusts) WOOHOO!

_In Fire Canyon_

**JAK:** Here's the power cells you need.

**KEIRA:** Great! Now, the heat shield only goes so far, so be sure to hit the stupid-looking blue balloons I released.

**DAXTER: **(Scared to the max) What if we don't?

**KEIRA:** Then it's over! BOOM! Burning molten metal over!

**JAK: **I'm outta here! (tries to run away)

**KEIRA:** (Grabs the back of Jak's collar and plunks him firmly on the zoomer) Now, now, Jak, it's just one death-defying fun run. No pressure, although the fate of the world depends on it.

**JAK:** It does?

**KEIRA:** (Ashamed) Damn! I wasn't supposed to tell you that! Is there any way you can forget that I said that?

**DAXTER:** (Somehow pulls out a bottle of beer, despite his profound lack of pockets)

**JAK:** Yay! An excuse to booze it up!

**KEIRA:** But you shouldn't drink and drive!

**JAK:** (Already drunk, even though he hasn't had any beer yet) Talk to the ears, coz the hand ain't listening!

**Yep, lots of characters from later games are gonna get mentioned, despite the fact that Jak and company haven't even met them yet. Next chapter, our heroes (coughdrunkardscough) arrive in Rock Village!**

**On a separate note, I am running out of inspiration for my Randomnesses of DOOM. I've sunk to levels I swore I'd never sink to, which makes me slightly sad and also slightly pissed off. Therefore, I am sending out an SOS call; if you have any random/funny lines for me, drop me a line and if I use it in a Randomness of DOOM then I'll give you a special acknowledgement at the end of it.**

**Glagnar's Chicken Jerky! Now in chicken flavour.**


	4. Shortest Thing EVAR

Wow, Chaptah Four already? Huh. Wasn't expecting it to happen so fast, but ANYWAYS! Without further ado, F. Emo Productions presents… THE LATEST CHAPTER IN JERK AND DORKSTER: THE PANTS LEGACY! (I really like typing in caps lock; it makes me feel like I'm announcing something important. C: )

In the Blue Sage's hut 

**SAMOS:** Ooh… I'll never get used to that tingling teleporter sensation. (Shudders happily) Ooh, it just gives me that lovely feeling in my…uhh…log.

**JAK: **AAH! DIRTY OLD MAN!! (Runs off) (Runs back) So what are you going to tell me now?

**KEIRA:** Hey guys!

**EVERYONE: **(Ignores her)

**KEIRA:** I said, HEY GUYS!!!

**SAMOS:** Did you hear something?

**DAXTER:** Naah, it was probably a mosquito or something.

**KEIRA:** (Sighs) Oh my! Rock Village is on fire!!!!

**DAXTER: **Wow! I guess the Blue Sage really does know how to party hard!

**SAMOS:** Aaaw! Why didn't he invite me? He knows I love parties! (Cries)

**KEIRA:** (enraged) NO, YOU FOOLS! What I mean is, this gay monster is throwing flaming rocks at Rock Village!

**JAK:** Hey, how can you tell it's gay just by looking at it?

**SAMOS:** AAAAGH! A GAY MONSTER! (Runs around in circles)

**KEIRA: **Jak, Daxter, go kill that monster!

**DAXTER:** Get outta here, homophobe!

**JAK:** She doesn't hate it just coz it's gay, she hates it coz it's a monster.

**DAXTER:** (Ashamed) Whatever. (Rallies what's left of his pride) Anyway, it's not a monster! It's just misunderstood!

Talking to the Gambler 

GAMBLER: Aaw, not another hero! HEROES SUCK!!

JAK: Yeah? That right? (Hits his palm with his fist menacingly)

GAMBLER: Yeah, I lost all my money betting on that loser. (Points to the sobbing "hero")

DAXTER: He ain't no hero! I'M the hero!

JAK: OY! I'M the hero around here!

GAMBLER: No, you're both losers.

(Some gratuitous violence)

GAMBLER: Oww...

JAK: Hey, Stonedog, you wanna get a drink?

DAXTER: Yeah, but you're buying.

JAK AND DAXTER: (Walk away, leaving the Gambler behind)

_Back in the Blue Sage's Hut_

JAK: Hey, Keira, you didn't tell us what we need those 45 power cells for.

KEIRA: Yes I did! It isn't MY fault if you two are too intoxicated to remember.

DAXTER: Hey, that's an insult! I've been sober for two whole days!

JAK: That's a lie and we both know it, stupid

KEIRA: (Sighs) You need them so I can levitate that flaming rock with that convenient machine. Now get moving!

Shortest chapter so far, I know, but don't worry; I am going to write longer ones. I'm just having a bit of trouble with time constraints (due to popular demand, I'm trying to update this thing every Monday) and lack of inspiration (my muses are all back at school, unlike me).

One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird


	5. What?

Money money (breathes helium) MONEEEY! (Looks up) Oh! Uhm, hi! Hey, look, it's Chapter Five! (Runs off)

At the levitator 

**KEIRA:** (Asleep) Zzzzzzzzzz…

**JAK:** WAKE UP!!!

**KEIRA: **Zzzzzzzzzz…

**JAK:** What the f- why is she still asleep?

**DAXTER:** Coz you still can't talk yet, stupid.

**JAK:** Dup- eep- wucheh- why not? When the hell do I get to talk without sign language?

**BARON PRAXIS:** When you're in prison, you mysteriously develop the ability to talk like normal.

**JAK:** (Confused) How?

**BARON P:** Well that's just what I'd like to know! I guess it's just one of those mysterious plotholes that never actually gets explained in canon.

**JAK:** Oh! Okay. Thanks, Mr. Praxis.

**BARON P:** No trouble. (Buggers off to wherever the hell he came from)

**DAXTER:** Leave this to me. I'll wake her up, unlike _you._

**JAK:** Shaddup, Stonedog. (Slaps the back of Daxter's head)

**DAXTER:** Yeah, whatevuh. (Takes a deep breath) WAAAKE UUP KEEEEIIIRAAAAA!!!!!!

**KEIRA:** GAAAH! Wha- wha- whu- hey! (Glares at Daxter) Was there any need for that?

**DAXTER: **Yes. Now can you levitate that inconvenient rock with that handy levitator?

**KEIRA:** Yeah, sure, whatever. (Turns on the handy levitator) Now go kill that monster, Jak!

**JAK: **(Faints)

In the Red Sage's hut 

**JAK:** (Stands on the switch to the teleporter thingy)

**SAMOS: **(Falls onto his head) Gaaargh! (Cries)

**KEIRA:** Thanks for doing that stuff, guys. We really- (Notices how wanged up the hut is) Holy crap! What the hell happened here?

**GOL AND MAIA:** (Come out of thin air)

**GOL:** We got here and captured the Red Sage before you came here!

**MAIA:** Ha! Shameage!

**KEIRA:** Gol! Maia! You wanged up the Red Sage's hut!

**SAMOS:** Zzzzzzzzzz…

MAIA: That's right!

G & M: (Do a little victory dance)

DAXTER: No, seriously, that's kind of rude.

JAK: What are you guys talking about? This place always looks like this!

DAXTER: (Whispering to Jak) Shh! It's not wise to argue with intoxicated people!

KEIRA: Aaah! Fairies!

GOL: See what he means?

KEIRA: Whoa- this is freaky…

MAIA: Seeya's!

G & M: (Vanish into thin air)

KEIRA: Go get 72 power cells for the Zoomer!

DAXTER: Hey! Why is it always us who do that?

JAK: Yeah, why?

KEIRA: Uhm… I don't know. I think Daddy might, though. (Pokes Samos with a blunt stick)

SAMOS: Zzzzzzz… Gah! What? What is it?

DAXTER: Why is it always me and Jak who get the crap-power cells and not somebody else?

SAMOS: Because this game is called Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy. If it was called Samos and Keira: The Sage Legacy, we might consider doing it, but it isn't.

FINDING-EMO: Uhm, you're wrong there, old fart. It's not a game, it's my story. And it's called Jerk and Dorkster: The Pants Legacy.

JAK: Geez, dude! Get it right!

DAXTER: Hey, who're Jerk and Dorkster? And where did _you_ come from?

FINDING-EMO: You and Jak. And Fo Yo Information, I jumped out of a plothole.

JAK: (Angrily) Hey! I'm not a jerk!

F-E: Crying on the inside, Jak. Crying on the inside.

F-E: Now go get them power cells, coz I'm the author and I said so!

DAXTER: Evs.

JAK AND DAXTER: (Walk outside)

Yay! A longer chaptah! I know it took longer, but I reckon it was worth it. Gotta go now, coz my other projects ain't gonna write themselves. (Nods sagely)

Fo Yo Information, 'evs' means 'whatever'.


	6. Keira Becomes Evil

**F-E: Yeah, I'm back. It's not like I've got anything better to do.**

**JAK: You wanna get a drink?**

**F-E: Nah, I gotta…uhm …do stuff?**

**JAK: You're no fun. **

_Talking to the Oracle_

**ORACLE: **(High voice)Zzzzz… Dup- eep- whucheh- (Voice returns to Darth Vader mode) Who dares awaken The Almighty Oracle?

**JAK AND DAXTER:** (Wave) (Put on some freakishly cheesy grins)

**JAK:** O Almighty Oracle, we come to you to gain the secrets of meditation and levitation!

**ORACLE:** Don't you have Red Bull where you come from?

**DAXTER:** Hey, why the hell are we acting out a Red Bull commercial?

**FINDING-EMO:** Because Red Bull is our biggest sponsor. This is also why you can never insult Red Bull in my stories.

**ORACLE:** But Red Bull tastes like sh-

**DAXTER:** Awesomeness bottled? Why, yes!

**JAK: **(Forces a smile)

**DIRECTOR GUY:** (Sighs) CUT! Look, guys, if you keep fooling around, we'll never get this stupid game over and done with! Okay?

_Talking to Samos_

**SAMOS: **If you haven't got anything better to do, can you go up to Snowy Mountain and get that crate of beer I ordered?

**JAK:** (Grins) All right, but we'll have to take a tax…

**SAMOS:** What do you mean, tax?

**DAXTER:** Two bottles from the crate of beer.

**JAK: **EACH!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA-

**SAMOS:** Hey, I thought you were a good guy!

**KEIRA: **(Sighs) I'm surrounded by cow turds.

_Collecting Samos's order from the pub_

**DAXTER:** Hey, we're here to pick up an order.

**BARKEEP:** (Frowns) Samos Hagai?

**JAK:** (Drunk) That's me!

**BARKEEP:** Funny, I thought you were older. And fatter.

**JAK:** Hey, are you calling me fat!? And old? (Cries)

**DAXTER:** (Whispering) Hey, genius, you ain't Samos. You're Jak. Remember?

**JAK:** What? But then where's Samos?

**BARKEEP:** Look, are you gonna take this beer or what?

**JAK AND DAXTER: **(Look at each other) Okay! (Grin)

_Back in the hut_

**SAMOS:** Yay! Beer! (Looks in crate) Hey! You drunk half the crate!

**DAXTER:** No we didn't! It was the Beer Fairy!

**JAK:** Yeah! And she had a gun!! And you just can't argue with guns!!

**SAMOS: **I still think it was you. You look pretty smashed to me, and I know what smashed people look like. I see them in the mirror all the time!

**DAXTER:** (Sincerely) Samos, I swear to drunk I'm not God.

**JAK:** (Hits forehead with palm) We're sunk.

_In Lava Tube_

**KEIRA:** Yippeekiyay! You got the power cells! Now I can use my hair straighteners- uhh, I mean, get the heat shield to be less wanged up?

**JAK:** Yippeekiyay!

**DAXTER:** Hey, did you bring the reanimator with you?

**JAK:** The what now?

**KEIRA:** I invented it a few weeks ago. It's the whatchamacallit that brings you back to life after you die.

**JAK:** (Looks at the reanimator) Whoa. That's one big toaster.

_Going through Lava Tube_

**JAK:** Whee!!

**DAXTER: **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!!! (Faints)

_At the entrance to Gol and Maia's __pub-er, sorry,__citadel_

**KEIRA:** (Jumps out of the teleporter thingy)

**DAXTER:** Hey, where's short, green and wrinkly?

**KEIRA:** Daddy's been kidnapped by Gol and Maia!

**JAK: **Holy shit! When'd that happen?

**KEIRA:** Just now, you IDIOT!!

**DAXTER:** Don't worry, baby, it's all under control.

**KEIRA: **Under control? UNDER CONTROL!? (To Gol and Maia) You know what, I think I'll take you up on that offer you made earlier.

**MAIA:** Fexcellent! I'll change my will to include you.

**GOL:** Now let's go be evil!

**GOL, MAIA AND KEIRA:** MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Vanish off to wherever it is they go to)

**DAXTER:** We're screwed.

**JAK:** Ya think, Sherlock?

**SAMOS:** Hurry up and get me out of here already!!

**BLUE SAGE:** Don't forget me either!

**RED SAGE:** Or me!

**YELLOW SAGE: **Or me!

**F. EMO:** Help! Help! Won't anybody help a poor authoress in her hour of need?

**VIN:** HELP! I'm allergic to cages!

**BLUE SAGE:** Wait, how did you two get here?

**F-E:** I'm here coz I stole some of Gol's beer. What about you, Vinny?

**VIN:** I- I-I- It's all a horrible mistake!

**BLUE SAGE: **Go on?

**VIN:** (Hangs head) I'm only here coz my eco pwned Maia's eco. (Cries)

**DAXTER: **Don't worry, Vinnikins! I'll save you!

**JAK:** We'll help you guys out too, we promise!

**ALL:** We're screwed.

* * *

**Yup, we're definitely screwed. In the next instalment of **_**Jerk and Dorkster: The Pants Legacy**_**, Jak goes to battle the dark trio. Will he win or will Gol, Maia & Keira be victorious in their attempt to change the world?(Yay! I finally found the command for a line!)**


	7. The Egress

**Hello, hello, HELLO! Ms. Finding-Emo Smith is back after her extended hiatus! Sadly, this is the final chapter in this parody, but if demand outstrips supply, Jerk 2 may be coming soon to a fanfiction site near yuuu :3**

* * *

_Rescuing the Blue Sage_

**BLUE SAGE: **KA-CHIGGA! KA-CHIGGA! KA-CHIGGA! Thanks, dudes, you're the bestest! Screw Blue Eco, from now on I'm studying you guys!

**JAK: **AAAUUUGGGHHHH!! (Screams like a girl and tries to hide behind Dax)

**DAXTER: **You c'n fight your own battles now, ya coward!

**JAK: **You can't order me around! You're not my mom!!

**DAXTER:** A-ha, how do you know that?

**JAK:** (Twitches) Oh my god… (Glomps Dax) MOMMY!!

**DAXTER: **…erk… (Squishes)

**BLUE SAGE:** Er, yeah, I'll just be off.

_Rescuing Vin_

**VIN:** Yesss! In your face, Samos, the boy rescued me before he rescued you! He must like me more!

**SAMOS:** (cries)

**JAK:** (kicks Vin off his foot) I'm only here because it's in the game script!

**DAXTER:** Err, Jak, I don't think it is actually in the script.

**JAK:** It isn't?

**DAXTER:** No, you're meant to be rescuing either the Red or Yellow Sages…

**JAK:** Then I must be here because I like Vin better than the others! (Glomps Vin)

**DAXTER:** Err…

**JAK AND VIN:** (Hugging)

**DAXTER:** I'll come back later.

**JAK AND VIN:** (Hugging)

_Rescuing the Yellow Sage_

**JAK:** Hi, we're here to-

**YELLOW SAGE:** (Stuffs Daxter into his mouth)

**JAK:** AAARGH!! (Pulls Daxter back out, gives the Yellow Sage the evils and leaves)

_Rescuing the Red Sage_

**JAK:** (is angry) All right, you even THINK about doing something freaky and I'll KILL you!!

**RED SAGE:** (Cowers) Actually, I was going to ask what took so-

**JAK:** (Interrupts) _Don't even_ think_ it!!_ (Glares)

_Rescuing Samos_

**SAMOS:** What in greentarnation took you two so long?

**JAK:** Um… well…

**DAXTER:** I think it's probably best if you don't ask. (Looks behind Jak and Samos) Aagh!

**GOL, MAIA AND KEIRA:** Bwahahahahahaha!!

**DARTH VADER:** (Runs up and slaps Gol with a wet fish) COPYRIGHT INFRINGER!

**GOL:** (Heavy breathing) I don't know what you're talking about! (Heavy breathing)

**DARTH VADER:** (Heavy breathing) Get your head checked! (Runs off)

**MAIA:** Hey, Greenstuffs, guess what?

**GREENSTUFFS:** HEY! My name is Samos! S-A-M-O-S!

**KEIRA:** Uh, Daddy… (Points at his new name)

**GREENSTUFFS:** Knock me down with a wet vole! (Considers) Actually, I kinda like my new name. I think I'll keep it. (Looks back at Maia) So what were you gonna say?

**MAIA:** Our robot's ready!

**KEIRA:** And you're gonna die!

**GOL:** Ha! Shame on your face, you big disgrace!

**THE TRIO:** (Flies into the robot)

**GREENSTUFFS:** Jak! Go be a murderer!

**JAK:** (Grumbles, but goes up elevator anyway)

_Light Eco_

**JAK:** OMG, we're gonna die!

**DAXTER:** Look, it's light eco!

**JAK:** OMG, we're gonna die!

**DAXTER:** You can use it to beat the game- I mean, defeat these three evils!

**JAK:** OMG, we're gonna die!

**SEEM AND VIN:** We're counting on you, Jak!

**JAK:** Yeah! I can do this! (Runs for light eco)

_The defeat of The Trio_

**JAK:** (Goes all Lightey) (Channels Light into the robot)

**ROBOT:** (Explodes)

**JAK:** (Stuffs robot head into the silo)

**THE TRIO:** AAAAAGH! (Die)

**SILO:** (Closes)

**JAK AND DAXTER:** (Dance) Yeah, baby, yeah! It's Saturday night FEVEER!!

**JAK:** All right, enough with the lame eighties dance moves, we're back! Did you miss us?

**GREENSTUFFS:** No.

**DAXTER:** (Cries)

**GREENSTUFFS:** Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah bla bler bleh blah, blah blah blah.

**BLUE SAGE: **Bleh blah bler bleh blah, blah de blah blah.

**JAK AND SEEM:** (Make out)

**DIRECTOR:** CUT! Okay you two, that's not in the script! Now let's try this again, and Seem, go away this time!

**SEEM:** (Runs off crying)

**JAK:** (Glares at director)

**GREENSTUFFS:** Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah bla bler bleh blah, blah blah blah.

**BLUE SAGE: **Bleh blah bler bleh blah, blah de blah blah.

**JAK AND VIN:** (Make out)

**DIRECTOR:** CUT! For god's sake Jak, the guy must be at least twice your age! Now let's try this again, and Vin, you go away too!

**VIN:** (Runs off crying)

**JAK:** (Glares at director)

**DIRECTOR:** (Rolls eyes) Sorry, okay?

**GREENSTUFFS:** Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah bla bler bleh blah, blah blah blah.

**BLUE SAGE: **Bleh blah bler bleh blah, blah de blah blah.

**JAK AND KEIRA:** (Make out)

**YELLOW SAGE:** Wait, wasn't she dead?

**JAK:** Shut up! (Snogs Keira some more)

**MELLO YELLO:** Okay. (Muttering) …necrophile.

_And so the credits rolled and they all lived happily ever after- UNTIL JERK 2. DAH-DAH-DA-DAAAHHH._

* * *

**It's been a lovely ride, but all good things must come to an end. Please review :)**


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